Wednesday, October 14, 2009

#18 - Stuffed Animals

It is a very disturbing bond that develops between a woman and her stuffed animals.

Objectophilia, the attribution of names, feelings and personalities to inanimate objects, most often occurs amongst women that were fat and unpopular growing up. Rather than play with barbies and get prematurely molested by high school jocks, these girls stayed home to have dress-up parties with their friends Mr. Wimpleton, Taffy Mouse and Fuzzy Bogart the third.

By the time these women are fully grown adults, their furry, festering menaces will have been through everything with them; losing their virginity, the first serious breakup, living away from home. The bond is permanent.

That's why every female with a collection of rotting stuffed crap is apalled by the idea of throwing it away.

When it starts to really get creepy, is when Tubby Bear or Mr. Snuffles eerily becomes an outlet for women to express emotion. Snuffles is mad at you. Snuffles wants you to come over. Ask Snuffles. Snuffles and I will think about it. 

Do not question any of this. You just need to play along. As long as they don't dress you up in any weird costumes, or call you Bingo Bear during intercourse, it's just standard everyday female psychosis.

Their most pleasant relationships are with objects that can't hear them or talk back to them. That's the problem with women.


  1. Sometimes a pet cat or dog is used in the place of the stuffed animals.

  2. It's sick. The whole babytalk pet thing drives me nuts. Cat girls are the worst.