Thursday, October 15, 2009

#19 - Smothering

I just saw you looking at that woman. Have you called the accountant yet? What are you doing with that waitress? It's not friendly, it's inappropriate and insulting to me. Who's that woman who picked up when I called your office? When did you get a new secretary.? I don't like her. I don't want her answering my phone calls. Have you called the accountant yet? Golf??? You were supposed to fix the fence this weekend. I don't care if you haven't seen your best friend in ten years, you said you'd fix the FENCE. Julie's husband did the most romantic thing for their anniversary... Have you called the accountant yet?

Whether you've been dating for 10 months or married for ten years, all women begin to smother. Remember the feeling when you were in your mother's womb and you had no control over what you ate, where you went or what you did? That's was Mothering. Now think about how you've replaced steak with low carb, buddies with the in-laws, and weekend golf with antique armchair shopping. That my friend, is SMOTHERING.

The only way to avoid being smothered, is to incite so much hatred and repulsion that she won't want to have anything to do with you. Most men master this within the first few years of marriage, some within the first few weeks of dating. Some men, however, are either gay and enjoy spending Sundays color categorizing women's wardrobes, or are too scared to ever do anything about it. At least they do not have to fear spending the afterlife in purgatory. They're already in hell.

They can't think for themselves so they try and think for everyone else. That's the problem with women.

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