Tuesday, September 22, 2009

#7 - Gossip

Women love to gossip. It can be about anything. Well not anything. You'll hear them gab for hours about shoes, makeup and men, but it's much less likely that you'll catch a group of women discussing foreign economic policy, healthcare reform or auto transmission systems over their skinny double venti mocha lattes.

Women particularly love to gossip about other women. Especially when they have something negative to say. One woman's misfortunes are another's key to popularity amongst the sorority.

'I have some crazy news. We HAVE to meet for coffee ASAP.'

Appropriation of said news: Promised not to tell anyone. "'Of course - Best friends forever!'"
Content of said news: Someone broke up, someone is cheating, someone said something bad about someone else.
Dissemination of said news: Like SARS only faster and more lethal.

Gossip is like a sizzling screenplay in the making. By the time it has reached its final recipient, the storyline has changed multiple times, characters added, common sense removed and many tears shed.

What's ironic about how women gossip is that they all do it under the illusion that no one will ever gossip about them. It never occurs to Jennifer that as soon as she's done telling Melanie all about Tiffany's slutty one nighters, Melanie's calling Tiffany to tell her about how Jennifer hasn't been laid since the invention of the walkman. Tiffany will already be dialing Stacey to spill how both you and Melanie are so jealous of her because your boyfriends are cheating. with eachother. And it goes on and on.

And at the end of each telephone line, sitting next to the woman who just slammed the phone down in aggravation, is a man that will have to spend the next half hour hearing about what a b^tch [insert bimbo] is being.

Billions are lost in productivity each year on account of the time women waste gossiping. They don't know how to stop talking. That's the problem with women.  


  1. Funny thing is, guys are the worst gossips of them all! They just do it while hiding behind who'd they bang or talk about sports...what's the difference?! Women also talk about significant issues, but clearly you're too myopic to listen.

  2. Ohhhh please. Girls are #1 when it comes to Gossip. Guys don't care about gossiping. Most women love to gossip cuz they're too dumb to hold an intelligent conversation!